Another Angel of Love Read online

  Jenny didn’t know how to respond. I want to help Tammy but I’d feel like an accomplice to…to murder.

  Muffled voices broke the silence. “My mom says I have to hang up now. ’Bye, Jenny.”

  “’Bye,” Jenny said faintly. She heard Tammy shout at her mother to go away before the receiver clicked. The sound of the dial tone resonated in her ear. Stunned and momentarily frozen by dread, she could only think that a developing little human being had just been sentenced to death.

  Oh Tammy, I feel so sorry for you—and that poor little defenseless baby.

  Jenny hardly slept. It seemed to her that Tammy was being pressured to have an abortion and that her friend might do something she would wholeheartedly regret. Perhaps they could talk at school today. Maybe she could help her friend sort things out. Thoughts of Camilla flashed through Jenny’s mind as she got ready for school. As her due date had drawn closer, she’d been so in love with her unborn child, she hadn’t wanted to give her up. She too had felt pressured by her mother.

  But Tammy wasn’t at school. Jenny wanted to phone her but was worried that Tammy’s mother would get upset and keep the friends apart. She’d already said Tammy couldn’t come over that night.

  Trying to distract herself, Jenny invited James over instead. They had finished watching Dragnet on the tv in the rumpus room and were about five minutes into a Lucille Ball comedy special when James noticed that Jenny wasn’t laughing the way she usually did over Lucy’s antics.

  “What’s wrong, Marjorie? You’re pretty quiet.”

  “Please don’t call me Marjorie, you know I prefer Jenny.”

  “But Marjorie is your first name and it sounds more sophisticated. Besides you should always go by your legal name. Dad says that all docu—”

  “James, I like my middle name Jennifer better. I like being called Jenny, and I’m really not interested in what your dad thinks.”

  “Okay, Jennifer then. So what’s the matter, you seem a thousand miles away. It’s not that Pederson guy again, is it?”

  “No, it has nothing to do with him. It’s something else…” Jenny trailed off. She wasn’t sure if she should tell him about Tammy, and yet James was her boyfriend. They were getting serious and should be able to share private matters with each other, right?

  “Look, Jen, if this is anything to do with that Henry, I’ll…”

  “I told you, it doesn’t, James!” Jenny was surprised James even remembered Henry’s name. “It’s something I’ve been talking about with Tammy. Something she shared with me…”

  “So what is it? You can tell me.” James looked hard into Jenny’s eyes.

  “Well, I suppose I can tell you, but you’ve got to promise it will be just between us.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he agreed, waving a hand to get her to go on. “What’s the big secret?”

  “Oh, James. Tammy’s pregnant and she’s going to have an abortion.”

  “So? That’s her problem. What has that got to do with you?”

  “She’s my best friend! I’m so worried about her—I really think she might regret it. Plus, it’s a serious procedure.”

  James shrugged. “If a doctor does it, it should be all right, shouldn’t it? What’s Robbie got to say?”

  “He wants her to have it done. He’s concerned about their education and—”

  “Well, if he wants her to have the abortion, it’s pretty much settled, isn’t it. He’s the father.”

  Jenny turned and slapped him on the shoulder. “Oh, you men! It’s Tammy who’s carrying the baby and has to live with the decision. It’s not just a man thing.”

  “Serves him right, though,” James said after a moment’s reflection. “If he’d used a condom, he wouldn’t have this problem.”

  “James! That’s not the point at all. Sex belongs in a marriage where two people give themselves to each other in love and commitment, and if a baby comes along it enters the world in a loving, secure home. Look what’s happening with Tammy—”

  “Well, I still think if Robbie had taken precautions this wouldn’t have happened. If two people like one another, what’s the big deal with expressing it physically?”

  Jenny knew he wasn’t just talking about Robbie and Tammy anymore. Everything I just said to him about sex and marriage went in one ear and out the other. The urge to have sex could be very strong, but once again she couldn’t help but compare James with Henry. Henry had stopped when he could have gone on. He wanted to protect my purity…he respected me.

  After a long, uneasy silence Jenny asked, “Would you be willing to adopt a baby, James?” She was thinking of her own little girl. Of Tammy’s unborn child.

  “No way. I wouldn’t want someone else’s kid. I’d want one of my own, especially a boy. Someone I could train to take over the business. But we’ve got lots of time for that.”

  “Is that all you ever think about? The business?”

  “You know I’m living out my dream, Jennifer. Besides you, it’s all I think about.”

  Once again an uneasy silence fell between them.

  “And if it was a girl?”

  “I suppose a girl could be trained too.” And as an afterthought he added, “If she was as pretty as you, Jenny, it wouldn’t matter to me.” He winked at her.

  Her eyes didn’t leave James’ for a minute.

  What would he say if I told him about Camilla?

  About the rape?

  The thought sent cold shivers down her spine.

  All day Saturday, Jenny couldn’t stop thinking about Tammy. She tried phoning her but there was no answer. She went for a walk, seeking solace in nature the way she usually did, but feelings of foreboding followed her. She just couldn’t shake the nervousness she felt for Tammy or the relentless thoughts bouncing around her head. She made her way to her favourite spot, the gazebo, and sat on the swing. How beautiful everything was. How can nature be so peaceful and yet I still feel so troubled?

  Several of the garden wildflowers retained a hint of their summer colour, but most had already gone to sleep. She could smell the repose nature was settling into as it did every year. Fall reminded Jenny of the need for everything to die so it could renew its beauty. If you never witness the trees and flowers in this state, you’d take their beauty in the spring and summer for granted. If it were light all the time without darkness, you’d even take for granted the sun. If you don’t have a little sorrow in your life, you’d never truly appreciate the happy moments. Under her breath, Jenny murmured, “Even though I gave my little girl up for adoption I do know the joy of giving birth to a new life…and I just know I’ll see my little sweetheart again.”

  Jenny pushed against the wooden floor and set the swing in motion, thinking again how different James was from Henry. It was something at their very core. There was a softness and tenderness, a caring in Henry that she had always felt. She wished so much she could feel that way about James. He’s always so business-minded, so calculating, so…possessive. At times like this, Jenny wondered why she continued to go out with him. And yet there was something in her that compelled her to accept him, to love him despite his shortcomings. It was a feeling she couldn’t explain. It was just a very strong part of her nature.

  I wonder what Tammy’s thinking and doing right now. Jenny thought about driving over there and simply knocking on the door. She imagined Tammy’s mother answering and slamming the door in her face.

  Women have to be very desperate to abort their child, Jenny thought. She’d never have been able to live with herself had she done that to Camilla. There must be so many women out there who regretted their decision. Terminating the life within them before the baby ever saw the light of day, before even knowing if it was a boy or girl, what it looked like, how it felt in their arms, before knowing who it would become and what it might do for the world, before knowing the joy that could have been their
s. Perhaps their one consolation is that their baby is in heaven, waiting for them, forgiving them. If mothers asked, she knew Jesus would heal them.

  Softly Jenny whispered:

  Angel of God, my guardian dear,

  to whom God’s love commits me here,

  ever this day be at my side

  —and Tammy’s and her baby’s.

  “I know the baby’s guardian angel is already with her or him. Please protect it, and have Tammy’s protector guide her to make the right decision…”

  Oh Tammy, please call, the silence is deafening.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Well, that was another fine dinner, Mary.”

  “And I’ll say amen to that,” echoed Mr. Engelmann.

  “Why don’t you all sit in the living room and I’ll bring some apple pie and tea along in a few minutes?”

  “The feast never ends in the Pederson household,” Henry quipped.

  “I’m impressed that you two men manage to keep as trim as you do with such a fine cook in the house. I’m already starting to bulge a bit just from coming over here every Sunday!”

  “Nonsense, David, you look just fine,” Mary said.

  Henry and Mr. Engelmann each took a spot on the couch, leaving the leather arm chair for Bill while he turned on the television and waited for the picture to appear.

  Henry smiled as he recalled the day his dad had come home with the black and white rca Victor television. He’d spent part of his first paycheque from Coca-Cola on it. They were all so excited that Mary agreed to eat dinner in the living room that night just to watch the shows.

  But it wasn’t just the television that was new—his dad had changed since starting his new job. What a difference! He seemed like a new person. He smiled when he arrived home and Henry could tell how proud he was to park the Coca-Cola van in front of the house. Their neighbours were always asking what it was like to work for such a big company and whether he could drink as much free Coke as he wanted.

  Henry had noticed something else, too. His dad actually talked about his work and the problems he was having, which mainly had to do with figuring out how things worked in his new job. He seemed to realize what a great counsellor he had in Mom, who used her insight to offer possible solutions. He’d finally stopped trying to face life alone, with just old thoughts bouncing around his head repeatedly. It all meant that the family was growing closer, but his parents still weren’t close enough for Henry’s liking.

  “It sure takes a while for the set to warm up,” Henry said now.

  “I bet if you worked for rca you’d have figured out a way to speed it up already.”

  Bill smiled and brushed off Mr. Engelmann’s compliment and adjusted the tv antenna. There’s a show I’d like you to watch, David. Have you heard of Bishop Sheen? He has a program every Sunday night called ‘Life is Worth Living.’ Now, there’s a man who knows how to speak.”

  “Yes, Anna and I often listened to him on the radio, too. ‘The Catholic Hour,’ it was called. ”

  “He reminds me of Superman the way he wears that cape and tosses it around all the time,” Henry said, and then blurted out something else he sort of wished he hadn’t, and yet… “He’s started this slogan I like, ‘the family that prays together stays together.’ ”

  “Actually, Henry,” Mr. Engelmann interjected, “Father Connelly told me it was an Irish priest named Father Patrick Peyton who started that slogan. But Bishop Sheen picked up on it and is certainly doing a good job of promoting it as well.”

  “Doesn’t matter who started it, I agree with Henry,” said Bill. “It’s a good slogan.”

  Henry was surprised and pleased by his father’s support.

  But it wasn’t Bishop Sheen on the air when the picture finally came on. Elvis Presley suddenly filled the screen, singing “A Fool Such As I.”

  “Mom, come quick! Elvis is on tv!”

  Henry knew his mom had liked Elvis Presley since she’d seen him on the Ed Sullivan Show. But Ed had only allowed the singer to be seen from the waist up and this, well…Henry glanced at Mr. Engelmann, not surprised to see his mentor’s eyebrows somewhere in the vicinity of his hairline.

  Mary ran into the living room holding an empty cup and a damp dish towel, “Oh my gosh…oh my gosh!”

  “That man’s going wear his pants out from the inside,” Mr. Engelmann quipped. Everybody laughed but their eyes remained glued to the screen.

  “Looks like they’re broadcasting right from his Army base in Germany,” Bill said as the camera panned across an audience of u.s. soldiers and screaming girls. “And wow—look at that crowd—maybe your mom’s not his biggest fan.”

  Mary blushed. “Really, Bill!”

  But she stayed to watch, Henry noticed. He caught his dad’s eye and motioned with his head to where his mom had perched on the arm of the sofa, clearly ignoring the dishes in the kitchen in favour of the famous rock ’n roller’s hip-swinging gyrations. Bill waggled his eyebrows and Henry nearly laughed out loud. It was good to see his parents tease each other like this.

  “Well, entertaining as this is,” his dad said finally, “it’s too bad we missed ‘Life is Worth Living.’ I was looking forward to watching it with you, David.”

  “I don’t think it comes on until eight, Dad.”

  Bill checked his watch. “Another ten minutes. I think you’re right, son. I guess we’ll let your mom act like a teenybopper until then,” he joked.

  Mary swatted him with the towel on her way back to the kitchen. “Well, here we are! Hot apple pie,” she said a moment later, balancing three plates.

  As she handed them out, Elvis pulled a lovely dark-haired young girl from the audience and began singing a song that made Henry oblivious to his parents, Mr. Engelmann and even his favourite pie.

  Heart pounding as he thought of Jenny, he began to mouth the words to their favourite song as Elvis crooned “True Love”:

  While I give to you and you give to me

  true love, true love

  so on and on it will always be

  true love, true love.

  On the screen, the dark-haired girl gazed adoringly at Elvis, just as Henry used to when he was with Jenny. Henry’s heart began to flutter as Elvis sang the next verse.

  For you and I have a guardian angel

  on high, with nothing to do

  but to give to you and to give to me

  love forever true.

  “Isn’t he a kick!” Jenny and her parents were watching Elvis shimmy and shake over the transatlantic broadcast. “I hope my friend Janice is watching—she’ll flip!”

  “What is the world coming to?” Edith murmured.

  “I can’t get over all those girls yelling and screaming. Just look!” Jenny exclaimed as the camera panned the audience, lingering on a beautiful young brunette.

  “I have to admit his music gets you moving. I can hardly sit still,” chimed in Ted.

  “I can’t get over how he shakes his legs and hips. You’d think they’d fall off,” Jenny added with a chuckle.

  The Elvis special was a good distraction, though it was tough to keep her mind off of Tammy. She’d called her friend again right after coming home from church but there was still no answer. Maybe Tammy and her parents had left for Montreal already. The thought of Tammy having the abortion twisted her stomach. It was the same kind of gut-wrenching feeling she’d had when she’d realized that she’d been raped that night in the park.

  As if her mother had read her mind, Edith asked, “Have you heard from Tammy at all?”

  “No, and it’s driving me insane. I sure hope everything goes okay for her.”

  Edith didn’t respond and neither did Jenny’s father at first, but then he said, “It’s quite a problem for her to be facing at such a young age.” He glanced furtively at Jenny, then squirmed a bit and
turned his attention back to the television set. Unhappy memories of her own pregnancy lurked in the room. Jenny knew her father hadn’t wanted her to give up her baby. It was her mother who hadn’t wanted the responsibility of raising another a child, and Jenny understood that. But I would have.

  “Well, I think I’ll head off to bed. I started that book, Dr. Zhivago, earlier today. Hope it’ll keep my mind off Tammy.” She kissed each of her parents on the cheek and began to make her way out of the living room.

  But at the foot of the stairs she stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. On tv, Elvis Presley had begun to sing what she could only think of as their song, hers and Henry’s. Memories flooded her mind as she listened to the lyrics of “True Love.” Their first date. Going to see High Society, starring Grace Kelly and Bing Crosby. She definitely preferred Bing’s version to Elvis’—she had the 45 on the record player in her room and listened to it all the time.

  She smiled as she recalled the big oaf who’d sat between her and Henry at the movie theatre. She had so wanted to sit beside Henry and hold his hand. The two of them had missed the bus after, they’d walked home, holding hands, each remembering the song…

  For you and I have a guardian angel

  on high, with nothing to do

  but to give to you and to give to me

  love forever true.

  “The song touching your heart, Jenny?” Ted asked, noticing his daughter at the doorway, her eyes filled with tears.

  The reverie was broken. “Yes,” she sighed, “silly me.”

  “Well, at least it’s a more sensible song than the one about the hound dog,” Edith opined.

  “Yes, I guess it is. Well, good night again, Mom and Dad.”

  As Jenny started to climb the stairs to her room the doorbell sounded. In the living room her mother remarked, “Who on earth could it be at this hour?”

  Edith and Ted came to the front door as Jenny opened it. Tammy stood there, eyes teary. She was trembling like a lost little lamb in the dark.